DOI: 10.13140/RG.2.2.11694.64320
As test hypotheses can
be used in qualitative research in ground theory,
I would like to deliver a hypothesis for researching the unspeakable union
phenomenon. The hypothesis is basically made with reference to my personal
experience. It may hope to give out an answer of why I would like to promote
the way of spirituality under the Philokalia. It may be divided into three
parts: the experience, the function, and the process to perfection. I should be
honest that I have read through the Philokalia before I write this hypothesis,
but I loyal to my own experience as some of my experiences may not be easily found
out from the Philokalia. Besides,
I have not dug out all my experiences from my memories and put onto this essay.
You may find out some more from other writings of mine and I may deliver more
in the later dates. But I have addressed some important experiences in this
essay. Comparison and discussion among my experiences
with the Philokalia and other research papers concerning the theosis may an
approach of my further research.
The experience
It is very hard to
describe the experiences of my staying in the unspeakable union. That is why it
is denoted by ‘unspeakable’. I may try to give out more information from its
characteristic, my feeling, ‘similar description’ … etc. I find that the
experience is realistic. But there is no similar phenomenon in this world that can
be borrowed to describe this scene. Thus, description from several directions
may be help in figure it out. However, the puzzle may not be picked up unless
you have the same experience yourself. You may get more parts of the picture
from my description. Therefore, most of the people may not understand what I am
writing. Please do not treat it as poor English or language used. The best
language can fully describe this experience is not present in this world. I
would try my best to describe it by the limit of our language. But I insist not
to alter the description for produce an ease reading with so-called good
English. The reader should try to understand what I try to express but not
criticize simply by poor English. In fact, the description is by nature
uncertain no matter which language of the world used.
I may come back to the
first experience while I got into this unspeakable union. In a fellowship of
youngsters, under supervision of Mr. NG, I called upon the name of the Lord.
Suddenly, I saw a light. I could not ensure whether I just moved my head upward
and adjusted my eyes pointing to the light on the celling or other. But it was
really a supernatural change happened on me at the moment of seeing the light.
Something like air blew from outside, through my mouth, into my inside. It went
through my mouth to my heart and distributed toward my arms and legs. I was
filled with this air in my whole body. As the same time, I found that I could not
stop my calling upon the name of the Lord, and I repeated the name very fast.
At that moment, I was filled up wholly, I found that I was entered into a
place. It was a place, but I know that I was in the meeting hall and still stayed
with other people. I was not transferred into another place, but there was
really a space appeared in front and embraced me. The characteristics were
bright, golden, still, warm …. etc. It seemed to be a dream that you could not hold
it and retain it. I could not hold it into my memory for allowing more time to describe
it. It could not be caught. But I had a feeling of to be caught by this scene.
What my feeling was peaceful, eternity, exciting, … etc. My mind was filled
with idea of that was what I want, I wanted to stay forever, that was eternity
with it was not an object of eternity but union of eternity that I stayed.
I had stayed in this
union for a very short time. It maybe one minute or more. It was stopped when
the supervisor ordered to stop the practice. It may be a phenomenon never suspected
by the supervisor. I know I may recite the name of Jesus forever endlessly if
he did not stop me. The reciting likes mechanical repeating. My mouth was not
controlled by me to repeat the name. However, I could stop it immediately once
the supervisor asked me to stop. My mouth was 100% controlled by me. After stopping
the practice, all my feeling was positive. Pleasure, exciting, peaceful, ….
were continued. All that feeling were also controllable. I was not
over-exciting to make people feeling strange while I was on my way home myself.
This is the first time
I experienced the unspeakable union. I was thirteen years old. Afterward, I
practiced myself in my home without close mentor of supervisor. I spent three
months to come back the same experience of unspeakable union. The experience
was same to my first entry. However, I had not seen the light and filled with
something air-liked again. I direct entered the same unspeakable union while I held
my heart steady in a straight line waiting for bestow that befall me passively.
I experienced these two
supernatural events within September to December 1981. In the start of 1982, I
started the other type of spiritual exercise – Pray Reading of the Bible. I
still practiced calling the name of the Lord but not too intensive. I still
reached a point that with the same feeling of ecstasy but not got into the same
space of unspeakable union. Then, I seldom got into the space. Sometimes, there
may be a bright feeling, sometimes I received again the golden radiation, but
not the prefect space of the union. However, I satisfied and without an
insistence to come back to that eternity space in every time of spiritual
exercise.
After I read part of
the Philokalia and the Art of Prayer, I tried to practice the prayer of the heart.
I recited the new Chinese version of the Jesus Prayer translated by me with
paid attention on my carnal heart. The vibration of my heart in my body of
total stillness was seemed to pull out my whole body by two strings holding my
heart with my whole body. The only beating was my heart with echoing the
universe. Sometimes, it may be feeling of harmony with all things in the
universe. The feeling of the presence of the God were sometimes felt. The
feeling is based on a ‘truth’ that is not resulting from any reasoning or
evidence. That ‘truth’ with peaceful allow me to dwell in feeling of eternity.
The so-called peaceful is not the physical peaceful but, in many times, it happens
in a state with unpeaceful environment. The feeling of presence of God is
similar to my previous experience in calling upon the name of the Lord.
However, the experience of this practice may be more on psychological side. It
may be created by human psyche even it might not from supernatural side. However,
the level of the feeling may not be able to be created by human effort. My
first two experiences in calling the name of the Lord are much greater as they
were not created by any human action but totally bestowed from a wholly other
that impossible to be controlled by human effort. My first two experiences had
a part of entering a space that really not belong to this world. My practice on
Jesus Prayer discussed above lead to dwell in feeling of eternity only with
totally presence in this world.
I experienced
supernatural while I practiced the prayer of the heart one time. It was a time
after one of my friends died. I could not sleep one night as embraced by grief.
I practiced the prayer of the heart with reciting Jesus Prayer of my Chinese
version. Suddenly, a power, like a wall, appeared in front of me, was moving
toward me, passed through me. I could not see the wall but felt the wall. It
seems to a short in a Japanese
Scientific film Masked Rider Blade. The masked rider transformed while
something wall-liked passed through him. The wall passed through me and scanned
my whole body. My sorrow was removed and restored to totally clam while the
wall scanning my body. That mean it happened that part of my body was released
but part was tense still during scanning. It is totally supernatural and cannot
be created by human psyche.
Some
experiences are similar but not totally from the practice of calling the name
of Lord or reciting Jesus Prayer. It is practice of reciting the phase ‘Maranatha’. I recited this phase with keeping
my mind calling ‘Lord Jesus, come’. I found that it could clam my mind very
fast with came into a state of stillness, but it was dark. Later, I felt that
something inside me I would like to vomit it out. While I spited the air out
from my mouth, I started to speak in tongues. It is different from the general
Charismatic that it is not a repeating of a short sentence or phase. It was a
paragraph or an essay with language structure. There was cadence of speech,
changing of beat, foot stops, …. It was talking something meaningful. I could
stop it several times with calling the name of the Lord Jesus. And this speech in
tongues can defeat demon. I spoke in tongues by this way only for four times.
The fourth time I practiced it while I was fighting with a demon I met while I
was praying for someone who was possessed by demon. The demon distracted me
from praying. The only way I could continue the praying if my praying conducted
by the word I did not understand. Thus, I changed to pray in tongues. After 15
minutes or half an hour, the demon came to my house with burning by something
fire-liked hauling a long cloud of stars.
It is not usually a feeling
of entering the unspeakable union circumstance while the prayer made. I have many
experiences with feeling of standing on the top of a hill while praying. This
feeling is more or less psychological as I cannot feel any supernature or other
expression. I just close my eyes and see nothing. But my feeling is always
bright. You may be considered I was fallen into a high mood in praying. At that
moment, I feel I am standing on the top of a hill surrounded by light with
implement my job of deliver blessing to the whole world.
In fact, prayer may be made in the
state that I trust I am in the state of unspeakable union, but not wholly an experience
in that union as the time of the prayer. In fact, as the time of a prayer, it
has never coincided with the stretch out of the unspeakable union. As the time
of a prayer, our mind may not too buried that it cannot co-exist with the unspeakable
union illustration. I have also experience of to be put into stillness without
prayer while the union state was stretched out. What my feeling is always
sufficient and no need to pray as the Lord was with me wholly. I experienced
the unspeakable union; my memory has the record of this feeling. While I recite
the name of the Lord or praying to reach the same feeling, I suppose I am in
the same state of the union. Generally, it is a feeling. Generally, there is no
light, and it is not in dark, during praying in this state. Even through my
experience started from meeting a light. Today, I have another experience, I
recite ‘KURIE IHSOU CRISTE ELEHSON ME’ to meet a
light again. I was put into an ecstasy feeling with feeling of on a mountain,
but not reached the eternity circumstance. No prayer was made even I do suppose
it may be a good time of making prayer.
The function
One of the main reasons I enthusiastic
to promote this experience to people is concerning the effectiveness of prayer made in the
state of the unspeakable union. It is called as in the state of ‘in the Spirit’
in the Church Assembly Hall. The experience tells me that it has higher
possibility of receiving answer from the God, our situation has higher possibility
to be changed or there is really some power we can feel while we make prayer
within this state of ‘in the Spirit’. Therefore, in the past, I do not know
what the situation is now, people in the Church Assembly Hall would recite
Jesus’s name to reach a feeling of ‘in the Spirit’ before start praying. In the
state of ‘in the Spirit’ is something in a state of keeping some type of
ecstasy feeling. It cannot be denoted only by excitement as it always with
peaceful. The so-called peaceful is usually not your bodily condition or psyche
condition. Sometimes and many times, this peaceful may happened in an
unreasonable time that contrary to the situation you are facing. It is
something wholly other.
Either
we practice reciting the name of the Lord to the state of ‘in the Spirit’ or we
pray continue to a state that we have a same feeling of ‘in the Spirit’, we may
consider the prayer is made successfully and the prayer is done. Without
reaching this level of experience, the prayer is not finished. With the simple
belief into what we pray, there is usually something changed subsequently.
Either reply to you, revise your concept, change the situation that you pray, and
even miracle is common. God always reply to us by this we called as prayer ‘in
the Spirit’.
Defeating demon may be
one of the functions of this practice. Once I was troubled by the myth of
suicide, I was persuaded by plenty of noises which was lowering my self-image.
I called the name of the Lord Jesus unconsciously and the noise was totally calmed
by less than 0.1 second. Surely it was not happened in the practice up to the
state of unspeakable union, the power of Jesus’s name is too great in defeating
demon.
I find that an entity
can be formed while I reach the state of unspeakable union. It is not the first
two times while I entered the secrete space, it is the state I practice calling
the name of the Lord with feeling of ecstasy only. But there was really an
entity created. It is intangible, it cannot be touched, but I feel it and I can
move it. In the language of the Church Assembly Hall, it may be the spirit of a
man. One time, a girl declared troubled by demon, I moved this ‘entity’ toward
the girl during praying, the demon gone at the moment the ‘entity’ reach her.
The girl knew nothing I had done on her. As I never told people while I was
treating the demon for them. It may decline their faith if I tell them
anything. I knew the demon gone by the facial expression of the girl. It was at
the same moment of the ‘entity’ reached her.
As I believe, this ‘entity’
is the state while the spirit of the Lord wholly merged with me.
I used this method to help people released from demon until 1998. I never told
anyone while I helped them. It is a lesson I learnt after an action in
defeating demon in 1984. I learnt that we should keeping 100% humility with
avoid any disunion with peers during demon defeating works. The best way is
keeping secret by our mouth muted from people and keeping a heart of a baby. I
defeated demon by this ‘entity’ after I reach the state as unspeakable union
and drive this ‘entity’ by my willpower to the recipient, even he/she is half
the earth from me. I would investigate whether it was succeeded by asking them
later indirectly. As I knew they had something changed each time at the same
moment I pray for them, I knew God success with my involvement.
Hear the sound of God
Under my experience, the voice of the
God is seldom a sound that can be heard in the same sense of listening by ear.
There was experience of heard some sound. I heard a voice asked me to switch on
the television set. I received this voice while I was praying. In the church of
me at that time had a rule of not watching television as they considered the
message from television was belong to the flesh as defined by the Bible.
However, I followed to the voice that I received during praying. I learnt from this
act that time that I should follow to the Holy Spirit instead of the rules set
by human community.
However, the voice from God is not a
sound in most of the time in my experiences. It is similar as some idea or
knowledge that was put into my mind during or after praying. There may be a
feeling of ecstasy, but it is usually not too strong. Sometimes, it is nothing special,
but you know that it is the voice.
In establishment of this type of
experience is basically start from spiritual practice such as call upon the
name of the Lord. While we start to get into feeling or ecstasy, somethings were
put into our mind or cognition. While we translate that things into human
language, it is the prayer we made. It is so-called ‘prayer in spirit’ as
defined by the Church Assembly Hall. In fact, praying is discovering and
translating these ‘somethings’ which are continuously put into ourselves into
language. It is not our will but God’s will. Therefore, God always listen to
our prayer as it is His will.
My experience includes also getting some
knowledges or teachings or feelings from God while I stand in front of God with
pay attention on His name. In fact, calling His name is not a ritual, a method,
a practice to perfection, but nothing worth you to figure something out. As a
human becoming, there is no need to define and no need to stress. The voice of
God come always while you pay no attention but attention.
The process to perfection
The value of
interaction with God is not on the supernatural experience and the function or
power subsequence. The most important and valuable aspect is the contribution
in continue changing of our life toward perfection.
My
concern on the union is not always on the power or function. Power and function
are always junior. The practice with union denotes the transformation of my
whole life. It may not always stick with the feeling. While we live in a life
with full of holly experience with the union with God, our whole life, our
whole living in everyday is full of something progressively direct our life to
a state of transformation. The higher level of experience is not that pay our
attention to any so-called experience. We can forfeit all experiences one day
as our faith is trained to a state that we really feel whole heartly the
presence of the God and His intensive interacting with us and changing us. Our
life may progress without go back to any experience again. A feeling, or even
this is a feeling without feeling, occupies ourselves wholly. That enough as it
called from inside.
The
ultimate goal is the eternity. It could be the experience I came across while I
first reached the state of unspeakable union. But it might not have to return
to that scene of the first time. During progression in my life, the eternity is
already. I just turn back to this faith that established from the practice and
no need of recitation and praying. As the practice goes with my life, the
eternity is there in my practical experience here and now.
What
I so-called turning is not a way of understanding or persuade our feeling. It
is really something changed by the experience with the God. The so-called
feeling can be an entity. It is real. Therefore, the practice and always
practice is the way to perfection. However, it is not a matter to sustain the
supernatural feeling. As any feeling, even supernatural, is not eternity. The
real eternity can be some state of not concerning anything.
Someone
may query about the practice of subduing of our inside passion during prayer as
they think that our passion cannot be subdued by nature. I agree our passion
may not diminished by our effort, but it can be temporary suppressed by our
effort for our concentration in prayer. But our passion can be diminished by
repeating entering into the state of prayer and it gradually transforms
ourselves into perfection. I am practicing stretching exercise; my tendons are
extended during stretching but return to normal after stretching. My tendons
are gradually permanent extended while I persist the stretching exercise for
years.
But
today I was told to keep invigilation on the ‘in the Spirit’ state as I may
need to face a chance of critical time. A sensitive nous may need to be resumed
as the Lord need to do something. The miracle will happen and should happen. It
is not a loss of my faith that established but we are involved in a critical era.
Commenced at 11:26am on 14 January 2021 at Siu Sai Wan
Living room
Completed at 10:40am on 25 April 2021 at Siu Sai Wan
Living room
